When BLM held its Blackout Day in June 2020, many of my university students succumbed to the righteous disapproval of the tribe..“Why didn't you blacken your screen?” they were asked by would-be black-rights clicktivists. Many were shamed and treated as if somehow they had become aligned with whatever the anti-BLM forces were, just because they didn't participate in this miniscule show of solidarity..I'm sure for many of us hearing the recent recording of the teacher at Northwood Elementary (in Windsor, Ontario) berating Muslim students for not attending on Pride Day was like a glimpse into the progressive heart of darkness. Replace the sugary tones of the “incredibly hurt” woman with a male voice and German accent and you have creepy manipulation..I teach Negotiation and Mediation, and one thing we learn about conflict is that what one presents as 'the issue', the bone to pick, is seldom the real issue. Our arguments are actually based on values and fears and motives and a huge host of deep and murky issues that are often quite distinct from the respectful principles that we present on the surface. In fact, the real issue is almost never what we present up front (and importantly, the quicker we fess up about our true motives, the faster we can find common ground and resolution)..Truth be told, we are masters at making our frustration and anger look like reason and principle..Let's consider the highlights of this recent teacher tirade (spoiler alert: it's basically 'hate', 'disgust' and 'teacher power'.).In response to the fact that many of her students did not attend on Pride Day, she says: “It was an incredible show of hatred, and it was sad.... It was hatred toward a community of people..“It was incredibly disgusting... I do not want to be a part of this school... I am so disgusted...I just have to say how disappointed and disgusted I am.”.“The whole 75 of us here feel the exact same way... The board of education and our superintendent feel the exact same way... Every teacher in this school will agree... We put those rainbows up because we were so angry... I'm telling you from our point of view that was hatred yesterday. ”.And the kicker: 'my virtue.'.“And I am going to tell you that I have always been supportive of everybody... I have always treated you with respect... I am going to continue to be kind but know that I am hurt and disgusted with yesterday's actions.”.In kindness she adds: “You have told me that you cannot change your religion in order to support LGBTQ, and that is wrong.”.The aim here of course is to show how virtuous one person is and how sinful is the other. I need to show that I am reasonable and you are ignorant, to define a vast chasm between the moral and immoral. So we ask no questions or make any attempt at understanding (e.g. Why did you stay home?).No effort at bridging this gap. No recognition that the students and their parents have any legitimate concerns, or that their concerns come from any real place, such as fear..I keep picturing these disgruntled 75 adults on the day that these students stayed home, arming themselves with all those rainbows marching throughout the school in righteous solidarity, maybe to the soundtrack of The Village People, smacking up rainbows all over 'in defiance of hate'... and doing so without a hint of a second guess such as, 'Will this be alienating to our students? Why do their parents feel this way? Is this going to make things better?'.That a teacher would use her position for this kind of abuse of power and manipulation is concerning to say the least..Any time you take to the pulpit in righteousness and purity, or when you are showing peace and love through anger and hate, your Spidey sense should tingle a bit. Why the emphasis on power in this teacher's lecture? Why the in-group/out-grouping?.One thing's for sure: it's not out of deep sadness. True sadness and grief reminds us of our own humanity and our own failings. It humbles us. We try to reach out; we don't play power games. We grieve; we don't play king of the castle..And the last thing you do is tell elementary kids that every teacher in the school is against them..That we have this chasm in our society should give us pause, especially that it's become so counter-productive and political. But, this is not sadness. This is pure tribal anger that these students and their parents are not complying..Its the same knee-jerk reaction that was plastered all over the Toronto Star a couple of years ago when other progressives told us that the “unvaccinated must die”, or when Trudeau could wear the cloak of compassion while calling the non-compliant ignorant homophobes, or Doug Ford could freely call us “Covid idiots”..It's the principle, brother: Its all about safety. And when it's based on principle, I can do anything. The vitriol wasn't about safety then, and it's not about respect for young gay men now..Worse still, though, it's no longer what we do, but what we don't do that matters. For Trudeau senior, the government had no place in the bedrooms of the nation; for his son, we must all affirm what happens in the bedrooms of the nation. And if you don't publicly vocalize your support, you're a hater..During the COVID-19 scare, progressive Canadians like this teacher weren't angry at the rest of us because of health concerns for immune-weak grandparents. That we just chose to not participate drove them nuts..Blackening a screen or showing up to school does not make you kind, any more than opting out makes you hateful. And when our teachers tell us that our character rests on these declarations, we should all consider how thin our collective character has truly become.
When BLM held its Blackout Day in June 2020, many of my university students succumbed to the righteous disapproval of the tribe..“Why didn't you blacken your screen?” they were asked by would-be black-rights clicktivists. Many were shamed and treated as if somehow they had become aligned with whatever the anti-BLM forces were, just because they didn't participate in this miniscule show of solidarity..I'm sure for many of us hearing the recent recording of the teacher at Northwood Elementary (in Windsor, Ontario) berating Muslim students for not attending on Pride Day was like a glimpse into the progressive heart of darkness. Replace the sugary tones of the “incredibly hurt” woman with a male voice and German accent and you have creepy manipulation..I teach Negotiation and Mediation, and one thing we learn about conflict is that what one presents as 'the issue', the bone to pick, is seldom the real issue. Our arguments are actually based on values and fears and motives and a huge host of deep and murky issues that are often quite distinct from the respectful principles that we present on the surface. In fact, the real issue is almost never what we present up front (and importantly, the quicker we fess up about our true motives, the faster we can find common ground and resolution)..Truth be told, we are masters at making our frustration and anger look like reason and principle..Let's consider the highlights of this recent teacher tirade (spoiler alert: it's basically 'hate', 'disgust' and 'teacher power'.).In response to the fact that many of her students did not attend on Pride Day, she says: “It was an incredible show of hatred, and it was sad.... It was hatred toward a community of people..“It was incredibly disgusting... I do not want to be a part of this school... I am so disgusted...I just have to say how disappointed and disgusted I am.”.“The whole 75 of us here feel the exact same way... The board of education and our superintendent feel the exact same way... Every teacher in this school will agree... We put those rainbows up because we were so angry... I'm telling you from our point of view that was hatred yesterday. ”.And the kicker: 'my virtue.'.“And I am going to tell you that I have always been supportive of everybody... I have always treated you with respect... I am going to continue to be kind but know that I am hurt and disgusted with yesterday's actions.”.In kindness she adds: “You have told me that you cannot change your religion in order to support LGBTQ, and that is wrong.”.The aim here of course is to show how virtuous one person is and how sinful is the other. I need to show that I am reasonable and you are ignorant, to define a vast chasm between the moral and immoral. So we ask no questions or make any attempt at understanding (e.g. Why did you stay home?).No effort at bridging this gap. No recognition that the students and their parents have any legitimate concerns, or that their concerns come from any real place, such as fear..I keep picturing these disgruntled 75 adults on the day that these students stayed home, arming themselves with all those rainbows marching throughout the school in righteous solidarity, maybe to the soundtrack of The Village People, smacking up rainbows all over 'in defiance of hate'... and doing so without a hint of a second guess such as, 'Will this be alienating to our students? Why do their parents feel this way? Is this going to make things better?'.That a teacher would use her position for this kind of abuse of power and manipulation is concerning to say the least..Any time you take to the pulpit in righteousness and purity, or when you are showing peace and love through anger and hate, your Spidey sense should tingle a bit. Why the emphasis on power in this teacher's lecture? Why the in-group/out-grouping?.One thing's for sure: it's not out of deep sadness. True sadness and grief reminds us of our own humanity and our own failings. It humbles us. We try to reach out; we don't play power games. We grieve; we don't play king of the castle..And the last thing you do is tell elementary kids that every teacher in the school is against them..That we have this chasm in our society should give us pause, especially that it's become so counter-productive and political. But, this is not sadness. This is pure tribal anger that these students and their parents are not complying..Its the same knee-jerk reaction that was plastered all over the Toronto Star a couple of years ago when other progressives told us that the “unvaccinated must die”, or when Trudeau could wear the cloak of compassion while calling the non-compliant ignorant homophobes, or Doug Ford could freely call us “Covid idiots”..It's the principle, brother: Its all about safety. And when it's based on principle, I can do anything. The vitriol wasn't about safety then, and it's not about respect for young gay men now..Worse still, though, it's no longer what we do, but what we don't do that matters. For Trudeau senior, the government had no place in the bedrooms of the nation; for his son, we must all affirm what happens in the bedrooms of the nation. And if you don't publicly vocalize your support, you're a hater..During the COVID-19 scare, progressive Canadians like this teacher weren't angry at the rest of us because of health concerns for immune-weak grandparents. That we just chose to not participate drove them nuts..Blackening a screen or showing up to school does not make you kind, any more than opting out makes you hateful. And when our teachers tell us that our character rests on these declarations, we should all consider how thin our collective character has truly become.
