SNELL: Broken Confederation like divorce court

"Canada is like an old cow, the West feeds it, Ontario and Quebec milk it, and we can well imagine what it is doing to the Maritimes," the founder of Canada's heathcare system Tommy Douglas once said of the nation's economic condition.

A chart published by the Fraser Institute indicates Douglas was right — the majority of provinces feed at Western Canada's wealth trough while suckling off the teat of oil, natural gas, and agriculture.

Eastern provinces, led by ill-equipped politicians, excrete the manure of fiscal irresponsibility, the methane of arrogance and the urine of stupidity.

Sadly, what's happening in Canada right now — the tightening of Trudeau's quasi-authoritarian grip and a slide into national acrimony — is beyond Douglas' analogy.

Confederation is much like divorce court in Edmonton — complete with lawyers, confused children, and family members lingering outside the building.

Eastern Canada is the cheating spouse — partying in bars, contracting STDs, getting Botox, and racking-up the family credit card.

Western Canada works in Fort McMurray — making and spending big bucks. He's on the hook for everything — the entire disaster — under threat of equalization payments mandated by Maintenance Enforcement in Ottawa.

Danielle Smith is Western Canada's lawyer — spitting fire and outclassing her client.

Eastern Canada's lawyer — who also presides as judge — is Steven Guilbeault. He says Western Canada should pay more spousal and child support as Eastern Canada behaves with impunity.

The ongoing spat — and Guilbeault's threat of an emissions cap — diminishes Western Canada's ability to pay. Missed payments could mean a suspended driver's license and jail.

Canadians are the divided children, disoriented by the drama. Those in Alberta — faring better — wear tennis shoes and drive F-250s. They dream of working up north.

Those in eastern Canada — burning with jealousy — wear Taylor Swift bracelets and drive Tesla's. They have few dreams.

Lingering outside the Court of King's Bench are two Western Canadian family members — both vaping THC to numb the pain. B.C. Premier David Eby and Alberta Energy Minister Brian Jean.

Eby is nervous after a narrow election win — and is of little use to Smith. Jean can no longer stand the sight of Guilbeault.

It's difficult to predict the result of Canada's national / interprovincial conflict.

Here's what could happen — there's a strong possibility Prime Minister Justin Trudeau will prorogue parliament in January to delay a potential non-confidence vote and election that could have him, and Guilbeault, thrown out of office.

Western and Eastern Canada will probably have to wait months — or longer — for a verdict under a new judge.

Western Canada — fuelled by Alberta and defended by Smith — must shore-up its finances in case of a negative outcome.

Eastern Canada — lazy from too much milk — should repent of its sins, get a job, and refuse alimony.