“You’re not a true Albertan until you’ve had prairie oysters,” proclaimed Western Standard publisher Derek Fildebrandt when we were talking during a slow period in the newsroom in November. .“What are prairie oysters?” I asked. .Fildebrandt, Western Standard news editor Dave Naylor, and former High Ground Medica CEO Jeff Callaway began to snicker. I pressed them, wanting to find out what prairie oysters were. .Fildebrandt directed me to Google prairie oysters. I found a Wikipedia page about a cocktail made with an egg called a prairie oyster. .When I told him what I found and said I was confused as to what was so funny, he advised me Google was wrong. He directed me to Google prairie oysters Alberta. .I found the correct Wikipedia page for prairie oysters. While I did not see what my face looked like, Fildebrandt said I went white. .Prairie oysters are the testicles of castrated calves that are deep fried after being skinned and coated in flour, salt, and pepper. The Western Standard said in 2021 having eaten them means people might be Albertans. .READ MORE: 65 signs that you might be an Albertan.Prairie oysters became an inside joke in the Western Standard newsroom in the following months. Fildebrandt made a reference to them when he created a mock magazine cover for my Christmas gift. .Since I was eager to prove to him I was a true Albertan, I searched around to find a place to try them out. I learned Bottlescrew Bill’s serves prairie oysters during its Testicle Festival that coincides with the Calgary Stampede..The team set up a betting pool on how many I could eat..The lowest bet was Western Standard business reporter Shaun Polczer at two, and the highest was Fildebrandt at eight. .After many months of waiting, the day arrived to prove I was ballsy..The Western Standard team saddled up — figuratively speaking — and headed over to Bottlescrew Bill’s on Tuesday. .Fildebrandt put in an order for various drinks and appetizers, but he emphasized we needed to have prairie oysters. .“You’re going to be christened as an Albertan,” he said. .The dishes came out 20 minutes later. The dish closest to me had four prairie oysters surrounded by a garden salad, and they were dipped in a spicy ketchup. .Looking down at the dish, I felt worried about vomiting. While it would have been easy to back down, I wanted to prove I had balls. .With the potential threat of unemployment for non-compliance, I grabbed a prairie oyster and bit into it. I moved the bite around in my mouth and determined it tasted like dry chicken. .The deep fried coating was flavourful, and the spicy ketchup took away any thoughts about its grossness. I no longer had to worry about being terminated for not eating one..Time rolled on, and I snacked on various other appetizers we had such as pretzels, nachos, and chicken wings. I did have some more prairie oysters, working my way up to six. .Since I wanted to make Fildebrandt proud and lead to him winning the betting pool, I asked for my own plate of them. Our server brought out four more prairie oysters. .My seventh prairie oyster had a little more batter than previous ones, which made it chewy. I grabbed the eighth one, turned to him, and said he was going to win the bet. .While it was a kick in the groin to his fellow betters, I downed it and ensured his win. My ninth and tenth ones were swallowed without a problem. .This caused Fildebrandt to call me nuts. Since he wanted to see how far I would go, he grabbed our server and ordered me a prairie oyster Caesar. .Prairie oyster Caesars are the cocktail produced from clamato juice and garnished with two testicles, a pepperoni stick, and a pickle. The difference between what I was going to have and my previous noshings were these were pan fried. .I found the Caesar drink nasty, but the testicles resembled meatballs. My eleventh prairie oyster tasted chewy, and it had some flavour to it. .I grabbed the twelfth, and the team encouraged me to do it all in one bite. I popped it into my mouth, chewed it, and proved I had serious balls by downing it like a victor. .The team broke out in cheers. I proved we Ontarians can handle Albertan delicacies. .Our server overheard I had twelve, and she wanted to know if it was the record. After a considerable amount of time searching, Bottlescrew Bill’s general manager Geoff Allan said he found no one else who had achieved my feat. .“You have eaten the most prairie oysters in one day in Bottlescrew Bill’s history,” said Allan. .I was given a Testicle Festival T-shirt. Not bad for a guy who was shocked when he learned what they were. .The team chanted "four more balls" while banging the table. .“My name is Jonathan Bradley, and I am the King of the Balls!” I said.
