Flying saucers, bamboo toothbrushes, branded apples and even “climate change card games” — the federal government has spent $13 million on promotional merchandise since 2022, according to records obtained by the Canadian Taxpayers Federation (CTF).“It’s like the government had a contest to see which department could come up with the dumbest way to spend taxpayers’ money — and they all won,” said Franco Terrazzano, the CTF’s federal director. “This is what happens when you have too many bureaucrats with too many tax dollars.”The records, released in response to an order paper question from Conservative MP Michelle Rempel Garner (Calgary Nose Hill), list hundreds of bizarre taxpayer-funded purchases by federal departments and Crown corporations — from socks and soap to maple candy and moccasins.The Royal Canadian Mounted Police topped the list, spending $4 million on branded items but refusing to provide a detailed breakdown. .Canadian Heritage followed with $2 million spent on giveaways including hockey pucks, candle holders and lip balm “without sun protection.” National Defence came next at nearly $1.4 million.Export Development Canada went heavy on novelty spending — $4,100 on climate change card games, $4,500 on branded apples and $1,100 on “chocolat bon bons.” Farm Credit Canada spent $870,500, including $32,600 on tractor-shaped air fresheners. Destination Canada bought $26,900 worth of moccasins, while VIA Rail spent $11,400 on Pride-branded merchandise.Prairies Economic Development Canada spent $3,800 on beeswax wraps, while its Pacific counterpart dropped $12,000 on the same item. Across all departments, federal workers ordered $11,900 worth of stress balls..“Government bureaucrats dropping thousands on stress balls really stresses taxpayers out,” said Terrazzano. “Unless those temporary tattoos show the national debt, it’s a waste of money.”Some agencies refused to release full details of their spending. CBC/Radio-Canada said it did not track promotional expenses, while the Canada Border Services Agency and National Arts Centre claimed they didn’t have time to prepare reports. Parks Canada admitted to $847,000 in spending but provided no breakdown. Even the Canadian Security Intelligence Service confirmed it bought promotional goods but wouldn’t say what or how much, citing secrecy.“Prime Minister Mark Carney says he wants to cut waste,” Terrazzano said. “If he’s serious, the government’s merch madness should be first on the chopping block. Anyone who says there’s no fat to cut should look at the millions blown on card games, charcuterie boards, laser pens and flying saucers.”