“Life after the US election,” has taken on surreal elements of late. I feel like I am locked in a Muppet movie as one of the old, cranky guys sitting in the balcony making funny, sarcastic comments about the play below. It is fun..Without wanting to jinx the event, here is my contribution of free, thus useless, advice to Mr. Poilievre when he becomes Prime Minister of Canada.Mr. Poilievre, you are going to feel immense pressure to strike Royal Commissions to investigate the various unethical, and quite possibly illegal, activities of the predecessor government. The list is mind-bogglingly long for me, a person who is a member of the politest and possibly the most stupid peoples in the world. I mean, who else says “sorry” when the shopper behind pushes their cart into my heels stripping off my footwear and a long slice of skin? Let’s see…here is a quick and incomplete reprise of scandals reported by the Auditor General.1. Chinese cash-for-access fundraising scandal. All okay and totally transparent. (2016)2. Aga Khan holiday scandal in which we paid to fly Mr. Trudeau to the home of a supplicant for government cash. (2017)3. SNC-Lavalin scandal and accompanying retirement of two, high profile female cabinet ministers. Because it was 2019, I guess.4. The WE Charity funding scandal in which two besties were sole-sourced money perhaps because relatives needed the cash quickly and couldn’t wait for a bidding process. (2020)5. More sole sourcing of contracts by cabinet members to "friends and family." (2020)6. More sole sourcing of contracts to build surveillance software (ArriveCAN) that was both wildly over budget and often didn’t work. (2020 – 2022)7. More sole sourcing in the Slush Fund Scandal in which $123 million in contracts were awarded to "friends and family."My advice is simple, Mr. Poilievre. Don’t give in to external pressure and your innate urge to “see justice done.” You will have more important things to focus your time on and there are people better suited to getting to the bottom of these scandals. Here is my alternative suggestion.When you are elected, immediately defund the CBC and cut off all appropriations to other news agencies in Canada. One month later, and in response to a general FOIA request for all government documents, open the files to any legitimate reporter who has a month or so to pore over the files. They will have the instincts, time and dispassionate interest in getting to the bottom of the “stinky laundry”, as it were. You may curate the reporters who answer the call by adjusting the time between the election and the opening of the files. It would be good to let the “bought press” go bankrupt before the invitation is offered.This may appear eerily like what Elon Musk did in opening the Twitter files to independent reporters. The resemblance is entirely accurate. This is a knockoff because that event was a hugely efficient and wildly successful way to get to the truth without suffering normal bureaucratic delays. If the government FOIA people are involved in uncovering the documents, they will hand over a bunch of heavily redacted and blackened pages. Nothing will have been gained. If the bought press is involved, they will feel an obligation to hide the nasty stories that they refused to report on. How embarrassing would it be for them to report, “Oh look! How did we miss this?!”No. They will just “miss” it again.You are welcome, Mr. Poilievre, and any time you need some help, drop me a line.
