Andrea Mrozek is a Senior Fellow at Cardus Family.Cardus recently surveyed women — and for the first time, men — about their fertility ideals and intentions. For context, Canada’s total fertility rate in 2024 was 1.25 children per woman. This means we have joined the company of nations like South Korea with “lowest of the low” fertility. The survey results showed that both men and women wish to have more children than they actually have by their mid-forties. Men desire slightly more children than women, and 59% of men aged 40-44 have fewer children than they wish. Only 53% of women say the same. Fewer than 50% of men and women are at their ideal family size by the time they reach their forties. A recent Globe and Mail report around Father’s Day reported that men who say the reality is hitting them that they might not have children felt like “mourning.” Giving voice to men who are either worried about remaining childless or actually are childless by mid-life is an extremely important piece to understanding the dynamics between the sexes today and the low fertility crisis. .All too often, we face stereotypes of men who are disinterested in family life, disengaged from their own families, or pushing toward a kind of lifelong adolescence à la Andrew Tate. The reality on the ground, this survey shows, is much different, with men desiring to become fathers. What is holding men back? We asked this question. More men than women in our survey are likely to say their partner does not want to have kids. Commensurately, more women than men are likely to say they can’t find a partner with whom to settle down and have a family. Men are more worried than women about finances and the ability to provide for basic needs and savings. .Women are more worried about the lack of a supportive network and feeling responsible for others. (Interestingly, women are far more worried about the lack of available child care in our most recent survey than the survey we conducted just as the Canada-wide system for early learning and child care got started, which speaks to the ways in which that program has made the child care situation worse.) Both men and women at equal levels believe “children require intense care.” This is the idea in our modern culture that in order to have children, they must receive a lot of expensive inputs. The cultural consensus today is that raising a child right is expensive and involves a lot of shuttling from expensive camps and educational programs to the right toys and trips. Keeping up with the Joneses in having children is not easy today, and people are feeling that pressure. Ultimately, fertility is linked to partnership and marriage. When we talk to audiences of young people about our marriage book, the questions they ask us inevitably shift to sounding like a war between the sexes. The men are annoyed by the perception of women having unreasonably high demands when looking for a partner. The women, on the other hand, are not ready to settle down and have kids quite yet. Our book conversations are not primarily about having kids, but rather focus on the precursor, which is marriage. Nonetheless, it seems from having multiple of these conversations that men and women are both disgruntled, possibly wanting different things from life, in some instances not knowing how to get together and in others, together, but not wanting the same things. .What is for sure is that family life can no longer be assumed. We must have conversations with our children at all ages about how to arrive at a place of the good life — which certainly for most of us includes children. It’s become rare to feel pressure to have children outside of specific communities, and those are typically religious communities. Most Canadians are not religious and still desire children. This is an admirable desire, and not being able to fulfil this ideal is a tragedy. We need to ensure the voices of both men and women struggling with childless lives that are not part of what they envisioned get a voice. And politicians and public policy need to free the way to being able to have the children we desire. Our fertility rate is well below what Canadian men and women say they want. It’s a good thing that this sad phenomenon is finally getting a public airing. Andrea Mrozek is a Senior Fellow at Cardus Family.
