Corporate marketing gurus can’t make this stuff up. And the timing couldn’t be better — or worse — depending if you’re one of those diehard McRib fans.As Calgary city council faces a public backlash over its so-called ‘wing wetnap’ bylaw — and Edmonton toughens theirs — good old Mickey D’s has one-upped them both.“Prepare your napkins, Canada… *Suspenseful Drumroll* The McRib® is back!” McDonald’s Canada proclaims in its latest assault on Albertans’ taste buds — and fingertips.That’s because after a 10-year hiatus, the saucy pork, pickle and onion hoagy returns to Canada starting Tuesday.It’s sure to be a hot mess. Enough to make one’s taste buds — and eyes — water.“Quiet on set! May we have your attention, please! Trust us, you'll want to hear this. *Clears throat*. After a ten-year hiatus, a beloved international icon is making its Canadian comeback.”No word on whether the retail price includes a side of serviettes, at two bits a pop. Do the maths, your’e into it more for napkins than the price of the sandwich itself..Everywhere there’s lots of piggies living piggy lives“Sir George Harrison.The last time the McRib was available on Canadian menus was 2014, well before the latest controversy on packaging, ketchup packets and even plastic straws ever came into the realm of public discourse.For the record, Rompin’ Ronnie McD says it’s merely caving-in to pent up public demand. It may not be kosher — it truly isn’t — but you either love it or hate it.The sweet and savory morsel has both its detractors and devotees in The Western Standard’s newsroom. Personally? I’m a hater. My first job in high school was slathering the sauce on the damned things and the smell triggers me to this day.That said, Opinion Editor Nigel Hannaford is a particularly big fan; in 2014 he reportedly stalked every McDonald’s drive-through in Port Alberni to no avail. Instead he wound up with a gallon jar of the said coveted sauce and a pail of signature pickles, enough to last a decade.He’s also a big critic of Calgary city council’s latest stab at pork barrel politics. .“I’m a zit, get it?”Bluto Blutarsky.That’s because Calgary’s city council’s latest edict to socially engineer local yokels’ dining habits has gone over as well as the latest gut buster to dribble down their collective chins and onto their starched white shirts.Which is to say, whether you love it or not, fast food fans are sure to be coming home with some extra sticky fingers either with or without added government support to provide an exemption to the latest vicarious virtue signalling — or revoke the wonton writ altogether.Or face a particularly sticky bout of public unrest.Little wonder Premier Danielle Smith warned of a “wing night mutiny” when Wednesday night pub goers were faced with the wet nap levy. Imagine the scene at Golden Arches next week. No word on whether she’s a McRib fan, but what’s a popular populist premier to do except shrug?After all, we’re the ones who voted for these ideologically inclined idiots — or not — in the first place. When the average turnout in an average municipal election averages barely 30% you truly get the government you deserve.No word if the McRib comes in a vegan option, although it surely will, when municipal governments eventually — make that 'inevitably' — take it upon themselves to ban meat.Want a side of fries with that? Buck up for the bag. .Better yet, opt for the crying towel instead of the wet nap at no extra charge. And pass the sauce — you’re going to need it. Even if it only costs another quarter, you know you’ll keep coming back for more. .City councils like ours are counting on it.
