WAGNER: The way to a long-lasting marriage

Léo Gaumont is well known in home-education circles across Alberta. He was a classroom school teacher for 25 years, even as he taught his own children at home. His firsthand experience with conventional schools convinced him that home education is a superior method of preparing children for the future. As a result, he became a full-time home education facilitator, helping to encourage and guide parents of countless students across Alberta.Now, along with his wife Faye, Léo has written a book, 12 Rules for Marital Longevity: An Autobiographical and Philosophical Account of What Made Their Marriage Last Fifty Years. The purpose of the book is to offer advice to married couples, and especially those preparing for marriage, on how to make their marriage last a lifetime.The Gaumonts begin by pointing out that their book is based on the Christian worldview. Everyone has a worldview, which consists of fundamental underlying beliefs about life, the world, and everything in it. Couples should be conscious of the worldview basis of their marriage because, as they note, “Worldview beliefs create the foundational premise upon which all individual decisions are made.”Currently, the dominant worldview of our society is secular humanism. Although it represents itself as being “neutral,” secular humanism is a values-laden perspective that upholds beliefs that are ultimately hostile to the traditional family.The Gaumonts note that a good marriage does not happen by accident. It can only be achieved “through the consistently diligent, conscious efforts of both partners.”.As the title suggests, the book offers twelve rules to help couples keep their marriages together. A sampling of these rules indicates the kind of advice offered.The first rule, for example, is to build the marriage on a solid foundation. Best of all, build it on a Christian worldview. “Sharing a common understanding of what life is all about and having a shared perspective of where it leads and ends is probably the most critical element for a lifelong marriage.”Secondly, couples should consciously plan to have a good marriage. This means they must “be prepared to constantly put in time and effort to make this happen, and to have an eye to improvements as things change and mature.”Naturally, regular and sincere communication is essential to a good marriage. And there should be rules or boundaries set to prevent arguments from becoming destructive to the relationship.Spouses will always find faults and weaknesses with each other. But each one should focus on self-improvement rather than trying to change the other. As the Gaumonts point out, “While you may be able to encourage the other to be a better person, you will never succeed at forcing them to better themselves or fulfill your expectations for their lives.”As conservative Christians, the Gaumonts emphasize strongly the importance of the traditional family, with the husband as the head. They write, “We cannot understate the importance of a traditional family structure following appropriate male and female roles and responsibilities. This God-given structure provides not only a proper chain of command but a secure environment in which to live and grow.”.Children are of great importance to many traditional families, and child-raising is a central function of the family.To illustrate one significant lesson for raising children, Léo tells the story of his experience at his very first teachers’ convention. A Roman Catholic priest with a reform school for the worst of bad children addressed the public school teachers. He personally interviewed each of the children to find out how they ended up at the school. Among the teachers, it was believed that children ended up in such schools due to a lack of money for public education, parents being too strict, parents being too poor, or parents who didn’t value education.But those weren’t factors at all. “Can you imagine the collective surprise-laden sigh when the speaker said there was a single consistent reason these super bad children (both male and female) had found themselves incarcerated in his house for bad children? Every child had confessed that their parents never said no.”In other words, permissive parenting led to misbehaved children.Another major factor for children who misbehave or even engage in crime is the lack of a father at home. Having fathers involved with their children is vital for the children’s well-being.Of course, there is so much more to having a good marriage and properly raising children. And despite everyone’s best effort, there will always be some problems. As the Gaumonts note, “It should be self-evident that imperfect people cannot have perfect relationships, and we all fall short of perfection.”Following the good advice offered by a couple married for fifty years could help improve any marriage. Nevertheless, “In the end,” they write, “there’s no magic formula for marital success.”

WAGNER: The way to a long-lasting marriage

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