WENZEL: Note to Democrat losers... Canada's closed

Every USA election cycle, there is a predictable chorus of celebrities vowing to pack up and relocate to Canada. If their candidate loses, they'll board the first flight, ticket in hand, maple leaves in their eyes. It's an old refrain, and by now, the polite Canadian in me wishes to say, "Thanks, but no thanks." There's no reason to uproot your Hollywood lives. We're very happy here! And to be honest, Canada is closed. We’ve already let enough ‘bad actors’ into our country the past few years.Let me paint a picture. Canada is a lovely, peaceful country where the politest conflict could be a Tim Hortons customer asking for two sugars instead of one. We enjoy our space, forests, and cozy orderliness. To be honest, we're not prepared for a ‘slew’ of disappointed Hollywood celebrities, complete with entourages, agents, and stylists to descend on our cities. Because, believe me, if they do arrive, they will want their green juice bars, paparazzi-friendly sidewalks, and most likely some airbrushed poutine.That is not how things work in Canada. We may be a country with open arms, but let's face it: there are limits. A person can only take so many "Are you a movie star?" conversations before they run out of polite ways to avoid them. Celebrity immigration from the United States to Canada may sound appealing on social media but what if Hollywood's elite tried to settle in our quieter, cozier way of life? If they thought they were leaving all of the media scrutiny and paparazzi culture behind, they'd soon realize that Canada's peace only lasts as long as you're willing to blend in.Let's remember that Canadians, by nature, are not ‘fussy.’ We're a hardy bunch who can handle low temperatures, long winters, and none of the glitz. We just keep trudging along, appreciating small things like hockey night in Canada or a cold bottle of beer beside an outdoor fire. So, when Hollywood stars consider living in Canada, they may need to let go of some preconceived notions. The café scene here isn't overrun with paparazzi; no one in Banff or Windsor cares whether you're a celebrity or an extra. You'll be standing in line alongside everyone else, waiting for your double-double, wrapped in a North Face ‘puffy’ from The Bay.But let's get down to the details. Just suppose our American friends have had enough of their political system that they actually played a major hand in creating. I'm afraid Canada isn't their escape hatch. We, too, experience political unrest and the headaches that come with it. Just ask any ‘local’ about taxes, pipelines, immigration, bilingualism, or the latest political scandal. In addition, ‘Welcome to Canada’ isn't as simple as boarding a plane with your passport and a pout. Immigration is a lengthy and detailed process that is not intended for those seeking refuge due to an election result. Or so we thought! Our government scrutinizes applicants, and simply being famous isn't enough, well, maybe. Just ask those who've tried to visit but were turned away due to something as minor as an expired parking ticket.While we're at it, let's discuss practicality. Our real estate market, particularly in cities such as Toronto and Vancouver, is already at a breaking point. Prices are high and locating the ideal "celebrity hide-away" would be difficult. Moving here means joining a crowd that is already looking for decent housing. And Canada is not for the faint of heart; our seasons are harsh, with winters that make a ‘Los Angeles' chill’ seem tropical. If they believe they will continue to wear sunglasses year-round and maintain a poolside routine, they are in for a cold surprise.Of course, if these celebrities want to do more than just talk, I believe a compromise can be reached. Perhaps they could come as tourists and enjoy our Canadian hospitality for a week or two. They could get a taste of our beautiful wilderness, discover the charm of all our major cities, or sip coffee in a café that no one ever photographs. They'll notice that our way of life is humble, founded on quiet respect and modesty, and that's probably why Canada works.So, to all of the Hollywood celebrities who are considering Canada as a backup plan, you are welcome to visit. We'll be gracious hosts, give you a friendly nod and even lend you a warm toque if it gets too cold. However, please leave your activism, paparazzi, ‘star’ drama and especially your politics on the opposite side of the border. Canada's doors may be open, but the welcome mat reads "For Those Just Visiting".

WENZEL: Note to Democrat losers... Canada's closed

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